


I Want Thorin Oakenshield for Christmas

by Viscountesshope



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas, Crack, F/M, Gen, M/M, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-05 05:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viscountesshope/pseuds/Viscountesshope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Take the song "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" and add Thorin Oakenshield, let simmer overnight through dreams, and this is what you get.  I won't apologize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want Thorin Oakenshield for Christmas

I want a Thorin Oakenshield for Christmas  
Only a Dwarven Durin King will do  
I don't want a Smaug, no dinky Hobbit BoyHH  
I want Thorin Oakenshield to play with and enjoy

Yes I want Thorin Oakenshield for Christmas  
I don't think Old Gandalf will mind, do you?  
He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue  
Just bring him through the front door  
That's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning  
Creeping through the smial  
Oh, what joy and what surprise  
When I open up my eyes  
To see my Majestic Thorin standing there

I want a Thorin Oakenshield for Christmas  
Only a Sexy Thorin will do  
No Big Beorn, or Elven Thranduil  
I only want Thorin Oakenshield  
And Thorin Oakenshield wants me too

I want Thorin Oakenshield for Christmas  
The Ereborian King is all I want  
Father says that Thorin would eat me up  
But then Mother says the eating will just bring a pleasured grin

There's lots of room for him in my big comfy bed  
I'd kiss him there and ride him there  
And give him lots of head

I can see me now on Christmas morning  
Creeping through the smial  
Oh, what joy and what surprise  
When I open up my eyes  
To see my Majestic Thorin standing there

I want Thorin Oakenshield for Christmas  
Only a Dwarven Durin King will do  
No Wizards Good or Orcs or Elves who steal  
I only want Thorin Oakenshield  
And Thorin Oakenshield wants me too

**Author's Note:**

> There also may be a companion piece to this that is an actual story. Either way, I still won't apologize.


End file.
